The music starts

I am alone with my pain

Each note
shaving a piece
from my heart

Each word
ripping through
my damaged soul

The music begins the build up

My eyes
well with tears

My chest
is growing tighter

The music swells and peaks

I close my eyes

One tear
slides
from the corner of my eye

The music starts the let down

music

Its music that wakes me up to a shiny day
Even if it’s dull like shades of gray
Its music that makes every day a “special day”
Even for the least unexpected way

Its music that gives me life like the sun
Even if my world refuses to take spun
Its music that wields me to strive and run
Even if my body takes on a million pun

Its music that serves as my “guiding light”
Even through the coldest, darkest of all the night
Its music takes a stand for me to fight
Even if everyone seems nowhere in sight

Its music that serves as my only inspiration
Even if the world doesn’t even bother for such reason
Its music that takes me to a world full of imagination
Even if everyone seems to bliss me off to harsh realization

Its music that permits my love take such progress
Even if everyone seems happy to see me oppress
Its music that I will forever stand up for such prowess
Even if it has taken as a promise to you my Goddess…


Music is a meaning for life, not hatred, not war,
It is a cry for peace from the people who have quiet voices.
Music may not be able to solve everything,
But it can solve silence,
Music solves problems.

mend your broken heart

There isn't a sure-fire way to mend a broken heart but there are definitely things you can to do to make it feel a bit lighter and ready for new love. First, allow yourself to feel what you need to and take all the time in the world to get over the person. For some people it may only take a few weeks to move on and others years. However long it takes, be okay with that. The ideas below are not meant to cover up your loss but rather to help your healing process so you can move on and enjoy being single for awhile!


Throw a small party. The fun of letting loose and being surrounded with your close friends can make anyone feel better.


Gather everything that reminds you of your past love and put it in a box specifically for this. Then give it to a friend or store it somewhere where you won't see or think about it. When you're ready you can either throw away the box or keep it for memory's sake.


Start a new exercise or well-being plan. It never hurts to take time to look good!


Start a daily journal, even if it's on your computer. Somewhere everyday take the time to jot down whatever comes to mind. The idea in starting a journal is not to write cleverly or even about anything important. Just write (or type) whatever comes to mind even if your journal starts to look like this: "Went shopping yesterday for a new book oh yea need to e-mail Susan, the flowers on that window sill need watering." The point of your journal is to clear your thoughts. In a few weeks you will be able to read your entries to discover new things and trends about yourself.


Join a new interest group. It's never to early too meet new friends and, at least this way, you'll already have one thing in common.


Learn something new. Take a foreign language or art course, or buy a how-to computer program.


Pick out an inspirational book or movie to read or watch whenever you start feeling down or depressed.


Take yourself out on a date, even if it's a night alone watching your favorite programs and eating your favorite foods.


Do the things you said you always wanted to do when you were with your partner but somehow never did.


Get a new look.


Pick up a calendar and fill out the next 3 months with social events you'd like to attend or things you'd like to do. Browse your city's web site or the entertainment section of your local newspaper to find out ideas, dates and times.


Spend a "comfy" day. Get out your favorite comfy clothes, pillow, blanket, etc. and just spend the day relaxing doing whatever you want!


Get a pet or plant to take care of.


Rent a few romantic movies or read a few romance novels to remind yourself that love does still have happy endings.


Write a goodbye poem or letter. Then stick it in a bottle and throw it out in the sea or attach it to a helium balloon to be carried away.


Do something you wouldn't normally do to celebrate your "singleness."


Redecorate your space. Start off by cleaning out everything and throwing away anything you don't use or need anymore. Make a few self-indulgent decorating additions like a few candles, a favorite painting or fresh flowers!


Visit a new city. Pick some place you've always wanted to go or some place closer to home to save money.


Spend time with your friends.

survival

The cliff was too high for me to reach, too rocky for me to climb but the determination I had was too strong that I could no longer think of the uncertainties I might encounter along. With sheer perseverance I pursued my dream of going up, shed blood, sweat and tears. Yet in spite of it all, the countless fall I made led to the accumulation of dark crimson marks on the surface of my skin which penetrated my bones down to my soul. The absorption took away the strength I used to have. I doubted my capabilities and refused to try again. Acceptance I thought was the best thing for me to do to relieve me from my involvement in this unbearable plight. But when my dream came across I saw a glimmer of light giving me a little hope to continue my struggle, to recover my strength.

Unaware of it, I triumphantly reached the top. Unbelievable it seemed but I was to do it with God’s guidance. The joy was indeed priceless and the fulfillment could not be traded with anything else for I gained back my self-worth, my honor. I realized nothing is impossible if you only dared try. I victoriously won the battle merely because I tried.

over you

Many years have passed. Many things have happened after our bitter parting…the most unforgettable day of my entire life. It took me several years to heal my wounded heart, to finally accept that you are gone. It was a great fulfillment…the process I’ve gone through is a battle for me…a struggle to victory.

Loneliness almost drowned me. Platonic my existence was. No trace of gaiety. No meaning at all. The chill in my heart made me insensitive to everything. I could remember those sleepless nights when I cried and poured all my sentiments out, hoping you’d come back even in my dreams.

But time healed my broken heart. I do still care for you anyway. You left me with memories that I would cherish until my last breath. Wherever you are, I want you to know how special you are to me, how thankful I am for touching my life.

still

Queer it is to like someone
Who smokes a lot and drinks to excess
What is more odd
Is to remain nonchalant and unmindful
To the degrading rumors spreading around him.

Others might conceive me
To be either weird or dumb
For continually liking him
Even after knowing his ugly demeanor
I’ve tried to elude him though
Yet the power of his charisma
Mesmerizes me still.

i miss u

The tears I’ve cried
Have already dried
So much I’ve tried
I’ve almost died.

To you I’ve become extra kind
Too dumb I’ve become blind
Like you I could not anymore find
Visage of yours is still on my mind.

How long will this end
My broken heart to completely mend
I could not afford to pretend
I miss you to you I send.

new life

I gazed at the clouds above waiting for the rain to come. The balmy wind, the rustling of the leaves made a soothing atmosphere, gently healing the scars pulling away the poignant pangs which remained in me for such a long time, all flowing with the breeze.

I was standing alone under a tree. Dark and placid the place was but the quick sound behind broke the silence, awakened me from deep reminiscing. Somebody was following me….stared and smiled at me. I tried to avert my sight, ran far away from him. He stopped me…tightly held my arms. A hair-raising thunder fastened me to numbness. He wrapped his arms around me to protect and comfort me. I found security in him.

When the rain poured hard, he embraced me firmly to warm the coldness I felt all my life. Tears gush down uncontrollably like the cadence of the rain. Cleansed and healed I was for I finally left the past, freed myself from the chains of agony. I started all over again…giving myself a chance to live my life again.

a lost friend

a lost friend

In a serene bleak night
Where stars are bountiful
And the moon is full
Countenance of yours begin
To appear in my solitude
Slowly reliving faded memories.

The gentle strokes of consolation
The warm embraces of comfort
Are ways of yours I truly miss
Especially when gloom hits me
And when the glittering stars above
Start to disappear one by one
I could not hold my tears back
Coz it constantly reminds me
Of a broken promise of
Eternity and loyalty.

Though you are not shining
On me anymore
And I could not feel your illumination
You are a star to me still
A gem worth keeping.

PRETENSE

barren, dark and desolate
my existence is
the bliss painted
on my desrted face is mere superficial,
a veneer, concealing my innermost
sadness and utmost weariness
totally disturbing my whole being
the efforts i've exerted
are just but a waste
for being effervescent
at the same time
swallowing the emptiness
found at the depths of my soul
is the hardest thing to do
but i have a phantasm
a frisky, blazing and blithesome
life awaits me ....soon

Sign


I handed you over
My heart
As a sign of my lifelong commitment
And devotion to you
But you just wrapped it
Tight with your old scarf
And threw it out
Through your large beside window
And smiled
As you watched it
Fall on those rocks.

true happiness

When I passed along Jacinto Street many weeks ago, I saw a filthy, emaciated kid walking barefooted under the scourging heat of the sun. As I went near, I noticed his callous hands as he raised them towards the tinted car windows driven by the elite. This picture opened my eyes to the realities of life, that money is indeed a great need for survival.
With money, a person can provide for his basic necessities such as food, clothing, etc. With lots of money, he can shop and splurge without boundaries, buy a mansion and own expensive cars. Moreover, he will not have a problem building a family in the future. That’s why most people are working wee hours to earn a lot. Their zeal to get rich keeps them busy and focused on their careers as well.
In my opinion, money cannot buy happiness. Material things are temporary. Hence, the happiness we feel in acquiring those things is likewise temporary. True happiness is felt in simple ways such as over relationships with other people. We tend to forget life’s small pleasures such as pat on the back, a good word, a hug or even a simple thank you. Because we are so preoccupied with getting rich, we tend to miss and enjoy these tiny delights.
In order to survive, money is important. But it is through how we deal with people which makes our lives rather meaningful. What is essential is invisible to the eye.

reality bites

When everything goes wrong, it is normal to be frustrated and to get mad. There are things in life that we need to fathom. Life has its ups and downs and we have to learn the roller coaster ride in order for us to keep going. Indeed it is hard to cope and to accept the realities of life. It is surely upsetting when all your efforts have become futile in the long run, when you poured all your resources and gain nothing in the end, when you need to let go of someone because of some circumstances even if it really hurts, when you express your love to someone who does not even care at you at all, when you feel all alone and nobody seem to care…These are the common trials in life which can either make or break us. People sometimes question God for all these trials and blamed God for breaking them apart. I understand somehow why…perhaps because of anger and pain. I believe that the very essence of life is being able to stand up after falling many times, being optimistic at all times and finding ways to become a better person everyday. God has a reason for everything. He breaks us to make us whole again. The challenges we are facing might break our world but surely will strengthen us. These challenges are the foundation of our life experiences because a life that is so perfect is idle, so routine and meaningless.